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This article is from the archive of our partner. Over the weekend The New York Times addressed a matter of contemporary lifestyle that pretty much anyone can relate to: Specifically, how hard is it to make friends as an adult?

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Is it, as writer Alex Williams would have us believe, nearly impossible to make lasting, deep buddy relationships past the age of 30, once the halcyon days of Lookong are complete and adults turn their focus onto their careers, marriages, home lives, families, and children? He writes of that initial meeting. That was four years ago.

We keep trying to get over the hump, but life gets in the way. Our story is not unusual.

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But actual close friends — the kind you make in college, North Las Vegas discreet dating kind you call in a crisis — those are in shorter feemale. Williams cites research that identifies three conditions key to making close friends: It's undeniable that this may be true for some, but Williams seems to ignore another key factor here: As people couple and marry and have children, thereby defining and narrowing their personal networks out of necessity there's just not time for everythingthere are singles who do perfectly well maintaining their own support networks of friendships, because those friendships have become their own "families" so Looking for a good female adults friends speak.

Having difficulty making friends isn't an age thing, it's a matter of life situation.

Friendships are, at their simplest, unions in which each person gets something of value from the other; if you don't need what a friend is giving you because you get it elsewhere—or you simply don't need it at all because your life situation has changed—they might end up getting cut from your life.

Further, if you can't find anyone you like or relate to, maybe you don't actually need Looking for a good female adults friends like anyone that badly. Singles who don't have "built-in" friends and social networks like spouses and kids probably prioritize external friendships a bit more than do the marrieds, because they need them more.

Yet Williams doesn't really address any of this. Singles and singletons my term for people who live alone tend to active social lives as they age. They are more likely than married people to spend time with friends and neighbors, more likely to volunteer in civic organizations, and more likely to go out Looking for a good female adults friends night and spend time in bars, restaurants, cafes, and other public places where strangers meet.

One key to friendship at any age is to find people who like to do similar things and who have Looking for a good female adults friends values and circumstances, which is why adults with children often pair up with adults who also have kids, and why thirty- and fortysomethings who are career-minded but childless and unmarried might find close friendships with people who are in their twenties and similarly single, kid-free, goov ambitious.

Maybe you maintain friendx with people in other Beautiful older woman ready sex Fairbanks Alaska stages, too—it's not that it's impossible, but it can be more difficult. We move in and out of different experiences, so there are a lot of singles in their 40s who have already raised children as well as married people in their 50s with young kids at home. As Laura L.

Carstensen, a psychology Looking for a good female adults friends quoted by Williams, explained, a big life event like turning 30 causes people to take stock and "concentrate on the here and now.

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Which is why, in a piece in The Wall Street Journal today, Diane Cole Looking for a good female adults friends of the surge in people "at mid-life and beyond" who are not only eager to make friends and develop relationships, they're actively pursuing these social interactions via online dating. As Klineberg said, "When it comes to shaping friendship patterns, life-stage may well be more important than age.

Friendships never come easy, but single people tend to put themselves out there and take risks. I Lioking a lot of single people who travel with other singles and develop important relationships that way.

Others made close friends hanging out after yoga classes or pick-up basketball games, while the married people rushed home to be with their families. Looking for a good female adults friends

Those who live alone have fewer constraints on their time and fewer responsibilities to others, which means they can be open to new experiences and they can throw themselves into frriends interpersonal situations.

Age is just a number. Stage of life is something else, something far more important in terms of friendships and your lifestyle in general.

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After all, if you're not making friends in your adult life because you simply don't need them, maybe that's not really trouble at all. This article is from the archive of our partner The Frienes.

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We want to hear what you think about this article. Submit a letter to the editor or write to letters theatlantic.

Jen Doll is a former staff writer for The Wire.

She is the author of Save the Date: